I Lost My Way- Why I disappeared
“Don’t lose yourself trying to be everything to everyone”
Photo by Michael Henein on Unsplash
It feels weird again, you know? writing like I never left. I kind of debated for a long time whether to post this but I think its high time I did. Plus, it took me a while to remember how to even write a blog post so the sooner I get to writing and getting into the swing of things the better! So here goes...
In addition to being a full-time student at my university, I serve on the board of several on-campus organizations, while working a full-time job and doing hair as a side-hustle. I typically pour my heart into everything that I do, be it helping friends with their own blogging journey or with school work and sometimes, life in general. I pride myself on ensuring that I care for everyone around me and most of the time I tend to forget myself in the process. I started TheOdditty in the summer as an escape and loved blogging for you all and myself, but I definitely was not prepared for the stress that a semester in school would bring. I figured I could balance life as a student with being a blogger and after a couple of weeks, I soon realized that I could not.
About three months after school resumed, I passed out in my classroom from exhaustion and it was one of the scariest things to ever happen to me. I remember for the six seconds that I was down just feeling this out of body experience. I remember feeling fearful and confused and wondering why I could not move or pick myself up. I remember glancing around and crying so hard my head throbbed, hoping to find some sort of explanation on what was happening to me. That was a turning point for me, seeing myself reduced to nothing reminded me of how far I had fallen. I used to argue about my abilities to handle anything and everything thrown my way, but that day... on that ambulance... I admitted to myself that maybe this time I had taken things too far.
I took a break from blogging because slowly and surely, I was losing myself. I cried every other day from exhaustion, I stressed out over the most minute things and time after time again, I was swamped with several things that did not need to be prioritized. I remember feeling like I was falling and there was no way to get up, I did not know what was wrong and all I remember is looking for a way out and never finding one.
This isn't a sob story, far from it. For the longest time, I have striven to create this "perfect" persona of someone capable of achieving anything and everything and by GOD, I hope I do achieve those dreams... However, I cannot achieve any of my dreams if I hurt myself while chasing those dreams. Like my Nigerians will say, "body no be firewood," meaning your body is not tough like firewood. So, what I needed was a wake-up call and that trip to the hospital was mine.
I needed a break and so I took it and I am sorry for just closing you all off. I am doing better now. I am happier, freer and most of all, I think healthier and I cannot wait to create better content for you all. Thank you to those who stayed and continued to check up on me, and to those friends who continued to push me to start back up with my blog, Y'ALL THE REAL MVP!
2018 is our year and although I lost myself in 2017... I am slowly and surely going to find myself again and when I do... the sky is the limit.
Love Sofi :)
